i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
