Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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