But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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