the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My vagina just clenched in fear
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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