i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
