Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
