he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
True strength comes from lack of pants
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
