My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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