Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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