He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
