I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
