Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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