Apparently you make a good broom.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
