Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
