so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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