Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he was CRYING into my vagina
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
