Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
