I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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