can we get nightvision for the apartment?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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