Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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