Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
