I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
