so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Randomize
