Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
