I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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