Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
