i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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