I didn't shave. On purpose
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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