I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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