she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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