It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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