i think my mom watched the whole time
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
