): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
