i permit you to call me
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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