Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
