this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
