your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
