You can't motorboat a personality
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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