You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
