Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
