i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
