Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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