best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
