Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
