Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
