I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
