tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
