oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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