if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
