grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
