and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
