I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
