Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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